A man and his ostrich...
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Joined: Feb 2001
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From: Benton, AR, USA
A man and his ostrich...
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him, and as he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their order.
The man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich. "What's yours?"
"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order.
"That will be $6.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and the ostrich says, "I'll have the same."
Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes a routine until late one evening, the two enter again.
"The usual?" asks the waitress.
"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and salad," says the man.
"Same for me," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress comes with the order and says, "That will be $12.62."
Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer.
"Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, just put my hand in my pocket, and the right amount of money would always be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"
"That's right! Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.
The waitress asks, "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich?"
The man sighs and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say!"
The man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich. "What's yours?"
"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order.
"That will be $6.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and the ostrich says, "I'll have the same."
Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes a routine until late one evening, the two enter again.
"The usual?" asks the waitress.
"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and salad," says the man.
"Same for me," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress comes with the order and says, "That will be $12.62."
Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer.
"Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, just put my hand in my pocket, and the right amount of money would always be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"
"That's right! Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.
The waitress asks, "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich?"
The man sighs and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say!"
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From: Hammer Lane
A Rolls-Royce pulled up outside a bar. A sad looking man got out, came in and ordered a large Scotch. While the barman pours the drink, a little tiny man crawled out of the mans pocket, climbed up his arm, and sat on his shoulder.
Soon, a beautiful woman cames over and started talking to the man.
Instantly, the little man started insulting the woman; he had a foul mouth, and he nagged her until she shrugged and walked off..
While the man was drinking, the little guy jumps on to the bar, running up and down spilling drinks left right and center.
"Don't worry," said the man, "I'll pay for everone's drinks." He put a thousand dollar bill on the bar.
Women kept coming on to the man, but they never got a chance to get close - the little guy kept running them off.
Finally the bar tender told the man that the little fellow had to go. "He can't, he's always is with me. He goes, I have to go too."
The bar tender asks "What's going on? All these women keep trying to get to you - he insu;ts them, but they keep right on trying. He spills the drinks and you keep buying."
"Well," sighs the man, "I was walking on the beach and found a lamp. It looked kind of interesting, so I tried to clean it up. When I did, out came a Genie. Sure enough I got my three wishes.
"My first wish was to have more money than anyone else in the world; the second thing I wished for was to be irresistable to beautiful women.
"I got both of those wishes, just like that.. I thought and thought about how to use my last wish. I asked for a 12 inch *****"
Soon, a beautiful woman cames over and started talking to the man.
Instantly, the little man started insulting the woman; he had a foul mouth, and he nagged her until she shrugged and walked off..
While the man was drinking, the little guy jumps on to the bar, running up and down spilling drinks left right and center.
"Don't worry," said the man, "I'll pay for everone's drinks." He put a thousand dollar bill on the bar.
Women kept coming on to the man, but they never got a chance to get close - the little guy kept running them off.
Finally the bar tender told the man that the little fellow had to go. "He can't, he's always is with me. He goes, I have to go too."
The bar tender asks "What's going on? All these women keep trying to get to you - he insu;ts them, but they keep right on trying. He spills the drinks and you keep buying."
"Well," sighs the man, "I was walking on the beach and found a lamp. It looked kind of interesting, so I tried to clean it up. When I did, out came a Genie. Sure enough I got my three wishes.
"My first wish was to have more money than anyone else in the world; the second thing I wished for was to be irresistable to beautiful women.
"I got both of those wishes, just like that.. I thought and thought about how to use my last wish. I asked for a 12 inch *****"