What to say when people call you begging for donations:

Hello, is this Mr. Habibi?

'Yes"

I'm calling on behalf of the Ontario charities foundation, and after reviewing income tax records, we noticed you made a rather large income during the last few years.
We also noticed that you haven't donated anything to charity, our aim is to get you started to begin donations to a charity of your choice.

"Why would I want to do that?"

Well sir, as you know, all donations are tax deductible, and many charities depend on people such as your self in order to operate, also, it provides you with a good feeling to help others.
We can set you up on automated monthly payments, quarterly payments, whatever would be convenient for you.

" I see, when you were searching through my financial records, did you see that my mom is a widow, and makes barely enough of a pension to pay her rent?"

No sir

"Did you know that my brother is in prison, and can't make his mortgage payments without financial help from his family?"

No sir, I didn't know"

Did you know that my grandmother has a serious heart condition, and her income doesn't even cover the cost of her medications?"

No sir

" and did you realize that my best friend lost his job 6 months ago, and needs assistance to keep a roof over his families head?"

No sir, I'm very sorry about all those things.

"well then, If I won't give them any money, what makes you think I will donate to your charity?"

-click

 

OWNED!!!!

 

I allways anwser with a, "Who is this"

When they reply with a Mr/Mrs Jones from some smuck company, I tell them that I am Det. Rob Jones with the Linden Police Dept. And they have called a crime scene. They hang up rather quickly

 

I tell charity callers that we help in other ways.

When a caller calls and says "is Mike or Eric(first name) there." I say; How can I help you? "Eric?"
I say again how can I help you. They say, "Eric, I am so and so........."

I then ask them if I went to school with them, cause they sure are using my first name like they know me.

It really is BS that we have to deal with these phone calls.

In CA, and I think nationally there is a new law taking effect this August. Any solicitor that calls a registered number that is against phone solicitation will be charged $11,000.00 per call. I hope they send the $$$ to the party that was called.

Mike

 

I always ask them nicely if they can hold on for a few minutes until I am done murdering my neighbor...

They hang up quick...

 

ROFLOL! That was great!

 

LOL those are all great.

What I have done over the last few years is, if they ask for me, I say No, this is his brother. He died in a slow twisting plane crash three days ago and I am here to collect some personal items before the state comes and takes everything.

If they ask for my wife, I tell them she died in a freak gardening accident and could they please remove her off the call lists.

 

I live alone and I'm a guy. I always love it when they ask for "the lady of the house." I always give them the same answer:

"Speaking."

The best part is waiting for them to say something - anything - next.

 

when i lived at home, they would calll for mom or dad, usually at dinner so i would tell them that dad just killed mom and now yhe dog is next.

or if it is a "unknown caller", i answer the phone and say"BOBS BAIT AND TACKLE"...that is a real bait shop on ridge! they ALWAYS hang up

 

My favorite thing to do is to give them a "harder talking to than they are giving me" approach. For instance, when they call me and say "You should change your long distance calling to so and so," and I say, "Why should I change my long distance to yours when I'm going to kill myself after I hang up this phone?" Usually freaks them out

 

but c'mon... these are not nearly as fun as answering the door to Jehovah's Witnesses....

now THAT would be a busy thread.

 

just act really interested in what they are saying and then get mad at them and tell them to "shove off"

or you could tell them that you're the undertaker and you've just stopped by whomever they're calling's house to take measurements for caskets

OR. after they/you hang up. *69 them and call em back and try to sell them something

 

This always works.

"Hello, I am with so and so, could I please speak to Jason?"

me-- " I am sorry, I can't understand you, it sounds like you've got a d*ck in your mouth"

Thay always hang up immediately, they even get pissed aobut it sometimes and start cussing as they hang up.

My dad answers his phone "Waffle House" in a hurried southern accent.

 

convert 'em,
Start in on preachin' and askin them if they have found the lord, start quotin the scripture, blessin them and teling them ro repent.
The key to this, keep talking and don't let them hang up, keep firig questions on them; they won't know what hit them.