Quotes from the Workplace
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Senior Member
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 12,632
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From: Stinkin Joisey
Quotes from the Workplace
A MAGAZINE RECENTLY RAN A "DILBERT QUOTES" CONTEST. THEY WERE LOOKING FOR PEOPLE TO SUBMIT QUOTES FROM THEIR REAL LIFE DILBERT-TYPE MANAGERS.
HERE ARE THE TOP TEN FINALISTS:
1. "As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the
building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next
Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks."(This
was the winning quote from Fred Dales at Microsoft Corp. in Redmond,
WA.)
2. "What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems
we might encounter." (Lykes Lines Shipping)
3. "E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data.
It should be used only for company business." (Accounting manager,
Electric Boat Company)
4. "This project is so important, we can't let things that are
more important interfere with it." (Advertising/Marketing manager,
United Parcel Service)!
5. "Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule.
("Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)
6. "No one will believe you solved this problem in one day!
We've been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and
I'll let you know when it's time to tell them."(R&D supervisor, Minnesota
Mining and Manufacturing 3M Corp.)
7. Quote from the boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing
what I say."
(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)
8. My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for
Monday.
When I told my boss, he said she died on purpose so that I
would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we
could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better
for me."
(Shipping executive, FTD Florists)
9. "We know that communication is a problem, but the company
is not going to discuss it with the employees."(Switching
supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)
10. One day my boss asked me to submit a status report to him
concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if
tomorrow would be soon enough. He said, "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have
waited until tomorrow to ask for
it!" (Hallmark Cards executive)
HERE ARE THE TOP TEN FINALISTS:
1. "As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the
building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next
Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks."(This
was the winning quote from Fred Dales at Microsoft Corp. in Redmond,
WA.)
2. "What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems
we might encounter." (Lykes Lines Shipping)
3. "E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data.
It should be used only for company business." (Accounting manager,
Electric Boat Company)
4. "This project is so important, we can't let things that are
more important interfere with it." (Advertising/Marketing manager,
United Parcel Service)!
5. "Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule.
("Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)
6. "No one will believe you solved this problem in one day!
We've been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and
I'll let you know when it's time to tell them."(R&D supervisor, Minnesota
Mining and Manufacturing 3M Corp.)
7. Quote from the boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing
what I say."
(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)
8. My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for
Monday.
When I told my boss, he said she died on purpose so that I
would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we
could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better
for me."
(Shipping executive, FTD Florists)
9. "We know that communication is a problem, but the company
is not going to discuss it with the employees."(Switching
supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)
10. One day my boss asked me to submit a status report to him
concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if
tomorrow would be soon enough. He said, "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have
waited until tomorrow to ask for
it!" (Hallmark Cards executive)
Member
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 46
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From: California
I work in a call center and have overheard these...
"Locate the zero button and hit it six times"
"I could eat Mexican food 3 days a week and Chinese the other 2"
"I’m so bored I could scream"
"Hey Lenny, you know you can make that thing bigger, right?”
"Help is my middle name"
"Locate the zero button and hit it six times"
"I could eat Mexican food 3 days a week and Chinese the other 2"
"I’m so bored I could scream"
"Hey Lenny, you know you can make that thing bigger, right?”
"Help is my middle name"
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 2001
Posts: 567
Likes: 0
From: Hazel Park, MI
Actual conversation w/an atty yesterday. he needed directions to one of our offices for a deposition in the morning & that office was closed for the day. Here's what followed:
me: If you hang on a second I'll locate someone who has been to that office to give you directions
him: Like that will help.
me: Please hold. (put phone on hold & hang up receiver) Ahole. Truckin moron.
Disclaimer: actuall final comments edited to be forum friendly.
me: If you hang on a second I'll locate someone who has been to that office to give you directions
him: Like that will help.
me: Please hold. (put phone on hold & hang up receiver) Ahole. Truckin moron.
Disclaimer: actuall final comments edited to be forum friendly.