The Rules
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Senior Member
Joined: Jun 2002
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From: Little Rock, AR
The Rules
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules
from
the male side. These are OUR rules! Please note these are all numbered
"1"
ON PURPOSE! Print this out and pass to your partner for a greater
understanding:
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up,
put it
down. We need it up and you need it down. You don't hear us bitching
about
you leaving it down.
1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see
if we
can find the perfect present yet again!
1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive
than
short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that
married
women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints
do
not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say
it!
1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a
calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think
that
we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good
with
your dress?
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's
what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Check your oil! Please.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We
refuse
to answer.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the
ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
1. All men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach,
for example, is a fruit, not a color. We have no idea what Mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of
mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
answer
you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine.
Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared
to
discuss such topics as the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. No you really do have too many shoes.
1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the
couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like
camping.
from
the male side. These are OUR rules! Please note these are all numbered
"1"
ON PURPOSE! Print this out and pass to your partner for a greater
understanding:
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up,
put it
down. We need it up and you need it down. You don't hear us bitching
about
you leaving it down.
1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see
if we
can find the perfect present yet again!
1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive
than
short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that
married
women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints
do
not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say
it!
1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a
calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think
that
we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good
with
your dress?
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's
what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Check your oil! Please.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We
refuse
to answer.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the
ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
1. All men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach,
for example, is a fruit, not a color. We have no idea what Mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of
mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
answer
you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine.
Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared
to
discuss such topics as the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. No you really do have too many shoes.
1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the
couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like
camping.
