Advise from Vets
 

I have one of my son's friends who is in the Marines and he is comming home from Trashganastan on monday. He isn't wounded or anything like that, just completed his tour. I'm proud of him for serving.

My question is, for those of you that have been there or even Iraq. Are there any do's or don'ts that we should steer towards/away from in welcoming him home. I know that he has been through a very life changing experience just from going there and I want to make his return comfortable and not akward. I have never served in the military but can only imagine what it is like,so I'm kinda on the outside "experiences" to offer.

I'm sure that there things he does not want to remember about the place and I wouldn't want to pry into that territory.

To ALL of you who have served or are serving now----THANK YOU!

Your suggestions would be a big help.
Thanks again
jim

Just pick up your relationship as normal. Don't ask prying questions, and he will in his time tell you more than you really want to know.
Plan an event, that you and he have always shared in the past, but let him set the time and date.:thumbsup:

If he wants to talk about it, he will, and you should be prepared to listen.

If he doesn't, (like Tumba said) don't pry, but you could ask him about the mundane (did he try any unique foods that he liked?) to get the conversation started.

I don't know your son (and this is not meant as an insult), but please keep an eye out for alcohol abuse. Many soldiers are finding solace in a bottle. Friends and family believe the soldier has 'earned' the right to a few good drunks and it can quickly spiral out of control.

Most importantly - please offer my thanks to your son for his sacrifice and service.

^ Well said. Just pick up your relationship as normal and he will be happy to be home. When i was back i had all my friends ask me all these questions and it was getting annoying and got me irritated as heck. But just go with the flow for a bit

You also have to keep in mind that a lot of things that he did were classified - and he simply can't talk about them. If you ask him something and he replies with the old cliche "if I told you I'd have to kill you", it's best to drop it. I'm sure there are things he'd love to talk about, but he simply can't.

Tumba, shotgunz, and mhochy9090 thanks for the suggestions. I agree about the don't pry, that's the kind of stuff I want to avoid. Also need to set it straight, this isn't my son we're talking about, he is a freind of my son and freind of the family.

The alcohol watch is a good tip, it's funny that being a retired alcoholic I didn't even think of that.

Thanks
Jim

I just came back from Afghanistan, and I wish my family would have asked this question. The thing that killed me when I got home was every one wanted me to go and see them, go do this, do that. I had a year of being told what to do and running around. I wanted to rest, relax and get to things in my own time. Try not to force him into anything. This is the first freedom he will feel in a while, and make sure he can take full advantage of it, not the people around him.

That made be think of a friend who was a Ranger in the Viet Nam era, that was pretty much his response to any question you asked, like--- what did you have for dinner last night?

I know what you are saying and that is understood.

Thanks glc keep them comming.

First Thank you for serving.
This is GOLDEN advise from the man on tthe street-so to speak, and exactaly the kind of stuff I need to know.

Thanks
Jim

Both of my post trip time I just wanted to cruze around in the trucks, eat and drink food I couldn't get, and see people not in a rush.

He'll start tellin' the same stories over and over again in no time.

Adrianspeeder

I know that he is Jonesing for some good Mexican food! Can't get that in M.R.E.'s

I was still in the reserves when c rats were replace by MREs. I never could get used to that dried up crap. But the c rats tasted pretty good at times. Especially when I didn't get dmn beanie weenies:lol:

Just thought of something else, I really wanted nice toilet paper. That'll go well with the mexican food too.

Adrianspeeder

:lol:

Jim - you had a very thoughtful post starting this thread and one tiny phrase caught my eye, so I bolded it.

I'll just say, you CAN'T IMAGINE! I suspect any fellow combat Vet will agree with me on this. Unless you've been there, he's someone you really can't talk to about it. And, that goes for me as well. My experience as a combat pilot in Vietnam is NOT like the experience of one of our modern warriors in Iraq or Afghanistan. I can't imagine what it was like to be a POW either. We simply operate on different planes.

So, when a combat Vet is not interested in talking about his, or her experiences with you, it's not that they are "hiding" anything, or so badly mentally wounded they can't talk about it, or are even protecting "secrets". They just simply cannot put into words something that you cannot really understand.

He just came from an area where his life was on the line every second and every decision was life or death and suddenly, he's in an environment where that all seems "remote" and people are more concerned with keeping the car clean or what's on TV? Suddenly, he's asking himself, "Was what I went through really worth it?"

The other members gave you some very sound advice though. Give him space, but let him know he's "loved".

- Jack