Today's Funny...
 

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.

First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters:
'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

"Can you read this?" the optician asked.

"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy.":lol:

:lol:

The other night, I was invited out for a night with the girls. I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!"

Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way tooooo easy. Around 3 am, a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times! I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed .. 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos - MIDNIGHT!)

The next morning, my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him "Midnight". He didn't seem angry at all. Whew! Got away with that one!

Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock."

When I asked him why? he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed 3 times, then said, "Oh chit!", cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted ...

LMFAO!!!!!!:lol:

Subject: Problems



OLD people have problems that you haven't even considered yet:

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, "Well, doc, it's like this - first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.

Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.

We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing.

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor? The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open.


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pollack jokes rock! :rocker: :lol:

Too bad Texans don't understand them! :lol: :lol:

actually we do, we just rename them as Aggie (Texas A&M) jokes. :lol: