I Can't *****ing Sleep...
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 462
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I Can't *****ing Sleep...
Sorry, this is insomnia typing...
AT THESE TEMPERATURES…
+65 - Hawaiians declare a two-blanket night.
+60 - Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one).
+50 - Miami residents turn on the heat.
+45 - Vermont residents go to outdoor concerts.
+40 - You can see your breath. Californians shiver uncontrollably.
Minnesotans go swimming
+35 - Italian cars don't start.
+32 - Water freezes.
+30 - You plan your vacation to Australia.
+25 - Ohio water freezes. Californians weep. Minnesotans eat ice
cream. Canadians go swimming
+20 - Politicians begin to talk about the homeless. New York City
water freezes. Miami residents plan vacation farther south.
+15 - French cars don't start. Cat insists on sleeping in your
bed with you.
+10 - You need jumper cables to get the car going.
+5 - American cars don't start.
0 - Alaskans put on T-shirts.
-10 - German cars don't start. Eyes freeze shut when you blink.
-15 - You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo.
Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects. Miami residents
cease to exist.
-20 - Cat insists on sleeping in pajamas with you. Politicians
actually do something about the homeless. Minnesotans shovel
snow off roof. Japanese cars don't start.
-25 - Too cold to think. You need jumper cables to get the driver
going.
-30 - You plan a two-week hot bath. Swedish cars don't start.
-40 - Californians disappear. Minnesotans button top button.
Canadians put on sweaters. Your car helps you plan your
trip south.
-50 - Congressional hot air freezes. Alaskans close the bathroom
window.
-80 - Polar bears move South. Green Bay Packer fans order hot
cocoa at the game.
-90 - Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets
How About...
To Women Everywhere From
Men Who Have had Enough!!
Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. We need it up; you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.
If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to Act like soap opera guys.
If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.
Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way.
When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
You have enough clothes.
You have too many shoes.
Crying is blackmail.
Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it!
We don't know what day it is. We never will.
Mark anniversaries on the calendar.
Peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes. We don't fire at point blank range.
Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
Check your oil.
It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.
No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
If something we said could be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic.
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
ALL men see in only 6 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color.
If it itches, it will be scratched.
Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.
KC-10 FE out...
AT THESE TEMPERATURES…
+65 - Hawaiians declare a two-blanket night.
+60 - Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one).
+50 - Miami residents turn on the heat.
+45 - Vermont residents go to outdoor concerts.
+40 - You can see your breath. Californians shiver uncontrollably.
Minnesotans go swimming
+35 - Italian cars don't start.
+32 - Water freezes.
+30 - You plan your vacation to Australia.
+25 - Ohio water freezes. Californians weep. Minnesotans eat ice
cream. Canadians go swimming
+20 - Politicians begin to talk about the homeless. New York City
water freezes. Miami residents plan vacation farther south.
+15 - French cars don't start. Cat insists on sleeping in your
bed with you.
+10 - You need jumper cables to get the car going.
+5 - American cars don't start.
0 - Alaskans put on T-shirts.
-10 - German cars don't start. Eyes freeze shut when you blink.
-15 - You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo.
Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects. Miami residents
cease to exist.
-20 - Cat insists on sleeping in pajamas with you. Politicians
actually do something about the homeless. Minnesotans shovel
snow off roof. Japanese cars don't start.
-25 - Too cold to think. You need jumper cables to get the driver
going.
-30 - You plan a two-week hot bath. Swedish cars don't start.
-40 - Californians disappear. Minnesotans button top button.
Canadians put on sweaters. Your car helps you plan your
trip south.
-50 - Congressional hot air freezes. Alaskans close the bathroom
window.
-80 - Polar bears move South. Green Bay Packer fans order hot
cocoa at the game.
-90 - Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets
How About...
To Women Everywhere From
Men Who Have had Enough!!
Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. We need it up; you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.
If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to Act like soap opera guys.
If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.
Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way.
When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
You have enough clothes.
You have too many shoes.
Crying is blackmail.
Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it!
We don't know what day it is. We never will.
Mark anniversaries on the calendar.
Peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes. We don't fire at point blank range.
Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
Check your oil.
It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.
No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
If something we said could be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic.
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
ALL men see in only 6 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color.
If it itches, it will be scratched.
Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.
KC-10 FE out...
Last edited by KC-10 FE; Sep 26, 2005 at 01:04 AM.
