A cautionary tale

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Old Feb 10, 2005 | 11:22 AM
  #1  
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From: London - UK
A cautionary tale

A cautionary tale....of a UK citizen moving to Australia


August 31st

Just got transferred with work into our new home in Brisbane!! Now this
is a city that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy
evenings.
What a place! I watched the sunset from a deck chair on the veranda. It
was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.


September 13th:

Really heating up. Got to 35 today. Not a problem. Live in an
air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to
see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshipper.


September 30th:

Had the backyard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots of palms
and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another
scorcher today, but I love it here.


October 10th

The temperature hasn't been below 30 all week. How do people get used
to this kind of heat? At least today it's kind of windy though. But
getting used to the heat and humidity is taking longer that I expected.


October 15th:

Fell asleep by the pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body.
Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson
though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.


October 20th:

I missed Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this
morning. By the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Kitty had died and swollen up
to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $3,000 leather upholstery.
I told the kids that she ran away. The car now smells like Wiskettes and
cat s*#t. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.


October 25th:

The wind sucks. It feels like a giant bloody blow dryer!! And it's hot
as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the blink and the AC repairman
charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needed to order parts.


October 30th:

Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. Bloody $450,000
house and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?


November 4th:

It's 35 degrees. Finally got the ol' air-conditioner fixed today. It
cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 25, but this bloody humidity
makes the house feel like it's about 30. Stupid repairman. I hate this
stupid place.


November 8th:

If another wise **** cracks, "Hot enough for you today?" I'm going to
strangle him. Bloody heat. By the time I get to work the car's radiator
was boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!!


November 9th:

Tried to run some messages after work. Wore shorts, and sat on the
black leather seats in the ol' car. I thought my **** was on fire. I lost 2
layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and my ****. Now my
car smells like burnt hair, fried ****, and baked cat.


November 10th:

The weather report might as well be a bloody recording. Hot and sunny.
Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do anything for 2 damn
months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week.
Doesn't it ever rain in this damn place? Water rationing will be next,
my $2,000 worth of palms just might dry up and blow into the bloody
pool. Even the palms can't live in this heat.


November 14th:

Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 38 today. Now the air-conditioners gone in my car. The repairman came to fix it and said, Hot enough for you today?" My wife had to spend the $2,500 house payment to bail my **** out of jail for assaulting the repairman. Bloody Brisbane. What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live 'ere?

December 1st:

WHAT????? This is the first day of Summer???? You are FOO-king kidding!!!!!!!!!
 
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Old Feb 10, 2005 | 02:42 PM
  #2  
inbred's Avatar
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From: Lancaster, PA
For my fellow ignorant americans, those temps are Centigrade...
 
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Old Feb 10, 2005 | 02:44 PM
  #3  
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From: The Bluegrass State
Originally posted by inbred
For my fellow ignorant americans, those temps are Centigrade...
We'z dunt uze em' metricks sistums round' ere!
 
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Old Feb 10, 2005 | 02:57 PM
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From: Oxford, CT
Metric's easy, you just like double it and add 10, right?

(I have a Bob and Doug McKenzie skit where they explein it that way...)

Take off, eh...metric hosers
 
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Old Feb 10, 2005 | 06:07 PM
  #5  
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From: Houston and Lil ol' England
For Celcius to Fahrenheiht divide by 5, then multiply by 9 and add 32

 
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Old Feb 10, 2005 | 06:37 PM
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From: Oxford, CT
Originally posted by EnglishAdam
For Celcius to Fahrenheiht divide by 5, then multiply by 9 and add 32

You need to brush up on knowledge from the Great White North my friend

http://www.losergeek.org/~niklas/bob...d/mtrcbeer.wav
 
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Old Feb 11, 2005 | 04:17 AM
  #7  
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From: Somewhere near the back of beyond
I love it!!
 
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